Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
