he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
