Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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