I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
