I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"