he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dating After Heartbreak
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.