she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
