What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
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I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
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I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.