you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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