i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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