Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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