Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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