Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
