I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
