He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
