And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
there was a trapeze. enough said
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
