I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
