I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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