I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
