Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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