I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
