toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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