return my video game
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
