I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
