True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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