My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
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Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize