I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
