How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
