none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
