I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
