Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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