i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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