You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
