my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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