our cab driver is having phone sex.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
