Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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