Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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