On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
