I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
