yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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