Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
