she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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