Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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