Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
