Dual....:-)
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
