1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
