How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
