I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
