im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
