I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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