the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he fucked my hip out of place.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
