y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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