apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
