chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You've changed since you got that strap on
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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