No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
BRING THE BAGELS
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
