just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
