OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
