I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
